As I hit the half way point at 20 weeks I now cast my mind back to my post-one-pre-two-pregnancy days and realise that there are a number of things I'd forgotten about being pregnant...
#1. The euphoria of pregnancy wears off when you can't see your own pubes.
I try not to complain about the changes happening to my body which I know are nothing short of miraculous (here's why). But seriously, does all this wonder and awe have to be accompanied by the, shall we say, less desirable effects? I waved goodbye to my nether regions this week. They will have to fend for themselves for a while. Feet? You're probably next. Slip-on shoes ahoy.
#2. Hair grows where it shouldn't.
Now I know that there is probably a perfectly reasonable medical reason why you grow long nipple hair when you're pregnant but when they get long enough to french plait it's a worry. And waxing here is NOT an option.
#3. I just can't go.
Sorry can't beat about the bush with this one. Being pregnant makes you constipated. There I said it. *Sound of another taboo shattering into little pieces* It's poo not to be able to poo. I'm shovelling fibre and fruit down my gullet like a woman possessed. I'm convinced more All-Bran is sold to pregnant women than any other demographic.
#4. I just can't stop going!
Ok I guess I should have remembered this one. The need to pee these days is getting beyond a joke. All it takes is a sip of water to pass my lips and I'm searching high and low for the nearest loo. Of course the irony is that once I get there, fully expecting Niagara Falls to come gushing forth, there is often less than a teaspoon to show for it. Grrr.
For some reason as soon as there's a bump to speak of people seem to think that they have a free pass to manhandle it. And the larger it gets the more insatiable the desire so it seems. I would never dream of touching another woman's stomach without asking first, bump or no bump. Would you like it if I groped your boobs with an accompanying 'ahhhh'? No? Well me neither. Hands off the bump.
#6. Food = gas = bumpage.
What seems to be a fairly average size bump first thing in the morning becomes a veritable Zeplin after lunch. I can almost see it expanding before my eyes. And if one more person raises their eyebrows when I say that I'm not actually due until November I will not be responsible for my actions.
#7. When you start to feel baby move it's impossible not to grin.
Go on, I defy you not to crack a smile when those first little movements become obvious. I'm not talking about the later stages when a foot in your bladder is a nightly occurence. That's when you wince. This is the early, first moves that are like a gentle 'hello' prod. Just blissful.
What did you forget about being pregnant? I'd love to keep this list going in the comments.